@#$# !! Monkey

October 2nd, Gandhiji's birthday, and H and I were enjoying a sleep-in, alarm being subjected to multiple snoozes. There was a loud noise from the balcony, I thought it was our neighbour dropping something. But then it happened again and it sounded suspiciously like it was coming from our balcony. My first thought was that it would be a monkey, having had one creep into my room before.

I opened the door a fraction, and there it was, perched on top of the AC. I quickly closed it again and banged on the door and window. But I could still hear it moving about :( I woke up H, he went to the loo, grabbed a stick, and the monkey was gone (before H could wield the stick, ofcourse).

We use the balcony as a kitchen and so there were raw potatoes and onions scattered around and bitten into. It must not have liked the taste much because it spat out everything, but it tried quite a number of them. It had tried opening the jars too, but he gets zero for dexterity. We already had a net in place covering the whole of the balcony, but the furry thing had managed to creep in from the top. I have a feeling it'll be back:(

I hate monkeys. I dislike them because of a number of reasons.

• They are just so smart and human-like. In my previous hostel, the monkeys used to knock on closed doors, and get inside as soon as the door is opened. They know how to open jars, they even take tablets out of blister packets and eat them. God knows why.
• They can tell the difference between male and female humans. When I tried to shoo away one, it actually charged towards me, making me run faster than fast. There were recent reports in the news about how monkeys specifically bother female workers in the fields. Chauvinistic little things.
• They are just not cute and cuddly like the rest of the small animals, like dogs, or cats.
• They don't seem to know when they're not wanted. I wonder if they ever go bother Maneka Gandhi.
• They have really sharp teeth. They can harbour rabies, simian virus 40. But mostly, they have sharp teeth.

According to my friend, there is a monkey in Sikkim who hitches rides on jeeps and buys food with money. It does not know the denomination of the money but it shoves the money towards the shopkeeper and takes what it likes in return. I don't know how much truth is in the story, my friend likes to tell me stories sometimes :P

Complaints of monkey menace are usually dealt with in a nonsensical way. The authorities either ignore the complaints, or they station a langoor (pic) where monkeys abound. But when they go all out and catch them, they stuff them in cages and maltreat them, so that the animal activists are up in arms breathing fire and venom. We can't seem to win.