Motherhood

Me, 2 weeks before motherhood.

It has been a long month, and I can't believe how the days passed. Let me clue you in.


We were expecting our baby to make its entrance around the end of March, but we realised that the baby had its 'cord around the neck', and with reduced fetal movements, the docs decided to do an emergency Caeserian Section on me. So our baby girl was born at 7 months and 3 weeks on 19th February, weighing all of 2.5 kg.

The operation itself was uneventful, I suffered no real pain, during or after the surgery. But our dear little baby had to take on a whole lot of stuff way before it was ready. So, we were hospitalised for almost a month at Civil Hospital, baby getting oxygen on some days, turning a deep yellow on other days and getting phototherapy, developing fever, not gaining weight, etcetera.

Baby was kept in the Neonatal ICU (NICU) where other preterm babies and sick neonates were kept. I have to say this about the NICU of Civil Hospital, things may not be perfect there, but they do things much better than could be expected. For one, the nurses there are terrific. They are efficient, friendly, helpful and they genuinely care. I say this not only because as an employee there, they were super-nice to me, but they are equally helpful and caring to all the other patients.

They have a strict system in the NICU, nurses wear surgical-type uniforms, caps, mask and special slippers. Doctors on rounds wear the masks and slippers too. And we mothers take off our shoes, wear masks, wash hands, and no males or other visitors are allowed inside the NICU. These are all to secure optimal sterility for the babies. And believe me, they're quite strict with their rules!

Nurse tending to one o the pretermees in a warmer.

They have several warmers, which are really bl**dy expensive, with inbuilt heaters, a temperature probe to attach to the baby, automatic temperature regulation, O2 facility, suction, etc etc. Only 3 of the 6 work, but again the nurses improvise by providing hot water bags for the non-working sets.

There are also several phototherapy units, which are the best treatment options for reducing bilirubin levels in babies (high bilirubin=jaundice/yellowing). These phototherapy units have blue lights which convert the non-excretable bilirubin into an excretable form. Our baby's bilirubin level went down from 19 mg% to 6.9% (normal 1.2mg%) in 2 days. But we were the lucky ones, other babies have to be kept for 1-2 weeks sometimes. The unlucky ones have to get their blood replaced to prevent bilirubin from causing brain damage. Babies in phototherapy have to lie naked (except for diapers) inside these units and they have to wear 'sunglasses' to protect their eyes. They look quite funny really, somewhat like little old men sunbathing :)

Baby inside a phototherapy unit. Tube in the nose is for direct nose to stomach feeds.

Our babies were fed at 2 hour intervals, some babies get as much as 50 ml of either expressed breast milk or Dexolac, some get 5 ml. Tiny stomachs, you see. The healthier babies get to breastfeed. Again the nurses boil all the bowls, spoons and measuring units before each feed. And at night, after 12 am, the single nurse on duty let the mothers sleep and feed all the babies for us, which could sometimes be 15 babies. They also change the babies' diapers for us during this time, also throughout much of the day. Despite all these, the nurses remain cheerful and are never rude - they must be angels or atleast semi-angels. The doctors are great too, but we only see them on rounds as they have their OPDs and other work, so we don't really have a chance to build up much of a rapport with them.

Other moms tending to respective babies. We mothers developed a good relationship - advising, consoling, encouraging each other, and laughing uproariously sometimes. Some babies died, but most were discharged healthy.

A big thing for us pretermers is weight. All babies lose weight upto 10 days post delivery, but pretermers tend to lose more, and when your weight is a little over a kilo or less, every gram counts. Every day, before the daily rounds, babies' faces are cleaned, umbilical stumps sterilized and babies weighed. Our fellow inmates included babies born at 6 months, babies weighing 1.3 kg etc. So before each weighing, you can hear mothers encouraging babies, 'Don't do your potty before they weigh you', 'Intisek rawh' etc. Hilarious really, but their potties can weigh a good 20 gm easily. And we mothers all try to feed the baby before they are weighed. The nurses are so strict, babies are weighed naked, even tiny gloves are removed. We weighed a pair of gloves and they were 10 gms, so being strict was rational.

Our baby lost weighed steadily, despite regular breastfeeds, nasal feeds and spoon feeds. She went down to a minimum of 2.045 kg. Thankfully she never went below 2 kg. If the babes had no other medical problems, they could be discharged at 1.8kg, so you can see why 5 grams mattered so much for patients who have been in the hospital for 2 months.

Weight was the least, and the last of our problems. Our baby has respiratory distress at birth and put on oxygen.Meanwhile, I had all tubes and things going inside and outside of me so I was confined to bed for the first two days (sans food too, I must add). On day 3, they removed some of the tubes so I could finally see my baby and breastfeed her. And believe me, seeing your baby for the first time is an unforgettable moment. But when your poor baby has to be given O2, and has all tubes inserted into tiny veins and even her little nostril, life seems black. She gradually improved, and the O2 was removed. She had two other episodes when she needed O2. Looking at her lying in her cot, her monitors giving off loud alarms really scared me. I wondered at these times if she would survive. I wanted to go to sleep, let someone else take care of her till she was alright. I thought about how we give cars or computers or other things for servicing and people took care of them and we took them out when the job was done. I wished something like that could be done with our baby. I was constantly at the point of tears, and everything seemed hopeless and tragic.

After a month stay in the hospital, she finally started to gain weight, sometimes 5 grams, sometimes even 50 grams a day. When she finally regained her birthweight, the doctors deemed her fit to go home. I was happy, but at the same time apprehensive of taking care of her alone. But we've been home more than a week now, and she's fine so far, by God's grace. But I'm wary of taking anything for granted, and I will probably be a neurotic mother, till she is atleast a year old :)